Feeling numb. It is a feeling I constantly struggle with. I lose interest in everything, including myself, and it frightens me. And I know I did this a lot to you. I would love you too much one day, and the next day I would lose myself and lose what I felt for you. At moonlight my feelings poured a storm, while at morning light my feelings were desert sand. I am never steady like the pavement we place our feet on, I fluctuate like the ocean we get lost in.
And god, I am so sorry for being such an abstract painting, a bitter cup of coffee, a dim star lost in a galaxy of thoughts. I wish I didn’t get lost in my own mind like a tourist in a city, a maze of opposite roads, cracked buildings, and old memories. I wish I could just wake up from the person I am, the person that haunts me. I just hope one day, someone will be able to swim in my veins, rather than drown in my mind. I hope someone won’t lose interest in me, the way I lose interest in myself.